Holidays & Traditions with Jake
Holidays can be some of the hardest times when you’ve lost a loved one. I wanted to share some ways we have included Jake in our holiday traditions.
Decorating the Gravestone:
Decorating Jake’s gravestone gives me a physical way to take care of him. It makes me feel like he’s included in the activities of the season. My kids enjoy helping me, and it shows anyone who walks by how loved he is.
Easter:
Our first two Easter egg hunts were at the cemetery. After we had more children, we moved it to our basement to reduce the effort with babies and toddlers, but we always have an Easter basket for Jake. Some years we have donated his basket to kids in need. Last year, in the context of Covid, we let our own kids divide it up.
Christmas:
Jake Tree 
Riley Tree
Every year we decorate a Jake tree. We got this idea from our friend, Lynne, who does a “Riley” tree for her daughter. Lynne buys a memorial ornament each year to add to her tree. Jake is the angel on the top of our tree. We have decorated the rest of the tree in decorations that remind us of Jake. The candy decorations represent stories I have written for the kids about Jake and Robin (more on that in later posts).
On Christmas Eve, we sing Christmas carols to Jake at his grave. This tradition can feel pretty heart-wrenching, but we like to get our emotions out and acknowledge Jake before all the busy activities of Christmas Day.
Santa always leaves a gift for Jake. We also donate to Operation Christmas Child. You can pick a child who is in the same age range and gender as your child and fill a box with gifts for them.
We also like to donate gifts or money to a family in need, in place of the gifts we would have bought Jake.
Halloween:
Each year we dress up Jake’s favourite stuffed animal in a costume that coordinates with his twin sister. They have been Luke and Leia Skywalker, a dragon and a knight, and Peppa and George Pig. For the first Halloween after Jake died (which I was really dreading) a friend dressed her son as Han Solo (to go with Robin’s Leia costume). This gave Robin a little boy to accompany her for Halloween, but clearly did not replace her twin brother (who was going to be Luke).
Mother’s Day and Father’s Day:
My husband and I always give each other gifts from Jake. One year Jake’s gift to Rich was a donation to UNICEF to help reunite children with their parents after war or disaster. It seemed appropriate to help other parents and children be together, since we wish we could do that with Jake. One year Jake’s gift to me was sprouted kale and mint to plant in the garden so I could make his favourite smoothies. We also make sure to give each other time alone to go to Jake’s grave to honour our grief, as that day can be particularly difficult.
Birthdays:
On Robin and Jake’s birthday we have one cake for each of them. Robin also gets a gift from Jake and we donate Jake’s birthday present money to a family in need. Jake’s death anniversary is the day before their birthday, so there are a lot of things we do around that time to honour Jake. There will be more on this in other posts.
These traditions developed over the course of years, and are still developing now. What’s right for one family is not necessarily right for another. However, I hope that by sharing our traditions, it may help you think of ideas that work for you.
jacquify.com 