An Imaginary Problem Requires an Imaginary Solution
Fighting Monsters at Night
The Monster Problem
Have you ever tried to explain to your scared kid, at bedtime, that monsters aren’t real? How about dinosaurs? Does it help that they all died out?
It didn’t matter to my kids whether they were real or not. It felt real. I needed a strategy that would let me leave their bedrooms and move on with my night. Then I remembered THE PLUNGER!
An Imaginary Problem Requires an Imaginary Solution
When I was a kid, I knew that if I stuck even one toe over the edge of the bed, an alligator would bite it. And the monsters in my closet knew just when I was alone.
“I’m scared of monsters!” I would call, from my bed. My dad would race upstairs and confidently place the toilet plunger beside my bed.
“This will protect you,” he’d assure me. He never told me how, but it worked. I could fall asleep.
The Plunger Still Works
My daughter, Casey, recently started to worry about monsters at bedtime. I tried to explain that monsters weren’t real. Of course, it didn’t work. Then I told her about my dad’s solution. She was very excited. Now, I’m more of a germaphobe than my dad was, and I have a strict, “Don’t touch that plunger” policy. But, I did have some extra plungers from de-clogging basement sinks. It started with one, but of course, her twin, Zach, also wanted one. Then Casey needed one for her doll, and Zach needed a second one to make it even. The kids excitedly carried plungers with them everywhere for a day. Four plungers now stand proudly by their beds, standing guard against monsters and dinosaurs. I wasn’t sure if they forgot about them for a while. Then, several days later, Casey gathered them all up to go into my dark room. Just tonight, Casey told me confidently, “The Plungers will keep us safe.” I never told them how, but it worked!
Fighting Monsters in the Day
When my oldest daughter, Robin, was a toddler, she worried about monsters, even in the day. She was afraid to let me leave a room. I tried to explain that monsters weren’t real. I tried to explain that she was safe in her house. It didn’t work.
A concrete thinker needs a concrete solution
I decided to take her to meet the real people who protect us from monsters: the police. I forgot it was Sunday, though, and the police station doors were locked. We ended up finding a retired police officer, with an official-looking car, in the grocery store parking lot. He was very kind and described how police patrol the streets to make sure there are no monsters in town. Robin felt a lot better.
In gratitude, we made cookies and brought them to the local police station, on a different day.
A slightly related side story
When my niece was worried, at bedtime, that Rhinos might have escaped from the zoo, my sister called the British Columbia Zoo (which was still open due to the time difference) and a very nice lady assured them that no animals had escaped from the zoo. It made my niece feel much better.
I love when people go all out decorating for Halloween. When I was a child, my favourite yards were the ones people transformed into a spooky graveyards. On Fridays, my dad and I would share a bag of chips and watch Buffy (the Vampire Slayer) stalk through cemeteries, in her leather jacket, fighting evil. My sister and I would hold our breath while driving past cemeteries. They were places of scary stories and superstitions. But now, having really experienced a cemetery, my perspective has completely changed.
A Place of Connection
After Jake died, we spent as much time at his grave as we could. Wherever his spirit might be, I felt close to him there. I sat with him on sunny days and read him books. I played guitar in a tent while rain fell softly around me. I belted out songs to the sky, as orange leaves fluttered down from a giant maple. When winter roads were impassible, I trudged to him, through snow-covered trails, pulling his twin, Robin, in a sled behind me. It was a place where my love and attention could be 100% directed toward Jake.
A Place of Community
I saw other people visiting their loved-ones. We would introduce ourselves and tell each other about the people we were there to visit. We would acknowledge each other’s love and loss, and we would promise to say hi to each other’s loved-ones when we were there. It felt like a neighbourhood.
A Place of Love
Sometimes I would wander through the cemetery and look at the other gravestones. I took extra care to clear snow away from children’s gravestones, or leave little seasonal decorations for them. Robin and I often stopped to look at one gravestone in particular. It was for a teenager. The gravestone had a fairy sculpture built into it and there were childhood toys around it. It was always decorated beautifully for the holidays. I decided to reach out to the mother. I found her on online, and as we chatted, I found out something profound. She had been stopping by the other children’s gravestones as well, including Jake’s. As I started connecting with other mothers I met there, it turned out we were all doing this. It gave me comfort to know that when I couldn’t be there, mothering Jake, other mothers might be. There’s something universal about the love of mothers. Even there.
A Place of Family
I often bring my children to visit Jake’s grave. We have family picnics and fly kites in the field that is not yet filled with gravesites. When the pandemic started and most public spaces were closed, the cemetery was our refuge. The kids ran bare-foot through fields of dandelions, played with watering cans, and raced to their favourite monuments in the older section. It was like our own secret garden; Like a gift from Jake.
As Darkness Descends
I have sat at Jake’s grave as day turns to night. It is a beautiful sight. As the orange sky turns to deep blue, little garden lamps light up. A few at first, then gradually, the rest, as the last rays of sun sink below the horizon. It’s like watching the stars come out. Each light is a beacon, put there by people whose love out-lives death. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has never put it out (John 1:5).
So, What About Halloween?
I don’t mind the pretend Halloween graveyards. It’s all in good fun, but I now know just how pretend it really is. Real ones aren’t like on TV. If you go to the Kincardine Cemetery on a dark, fall night, and you see a girl there in a leather jacket, it’s not Buffy fighting evil. It’s me, embracing love.
One day we started pulling up carrots from my brother-in-law’s garden, and suddenly the kids couldn’t get enough carrots! It was just fun eating them straight out of the garden.
The other day, I decided to let them play with their carrots again (and added in some parsnips). I cut them into squares, triangles, circles, half circles, and sticks. I threw table manners out the window and let them play whatever imaginary game they wanted. Casey built houses. Robin built rockets to the moon. Zach excitedly showed us his knowledge of shape names. Planets and rockets went into the black hole that was Robin’s mouth.
I’ve never had an easier time getting them to eat carrots. It even worked one other time… then, they were bored of that game. But hey, better some meals, than none!
This activity can take some nerve, because it can involve meeting new people and asking for things, but it can be incredibly rewarding.
There are so many apple trees around, and most people just rake up and dispose of rotting apples. I was one of them growing up, but many people would love to see their excess fruit go to good use.
I once heard of a group, that picked fruit from unused fruit trees in people’s yards, all over Toronto, then they sold the fruit to raise money for charity.
Picking fruit from your neighbours trees, with permission, can save money, allow you to eat local and organic, and forge relationships you never would have otherwise had.
How it Started
Last summer my kids loved to pick raspberries from a bush that grew through a fence, backing onto the school field. They were always so excited to find ripe berries and checked each time we went past.
It had brought us so much joy, that at the end of the season, we made a berry crisp and brought it to give to those neighbours (whom we had never met). We were a little nervous approaching them, but they were happy to find out that children had enjoyed their berries. When they brought back our pan, they brought us raspberry jam and invited us to pick pears in the autumn.
We continued exchanging seasonal treats this year and and enjoy chatting when we pass by. It’s a relationship that brings both sides so much joy and would never have happened if we stayed in our comfort zones.
So What About Apples?
Between our house and the local playground, there is a beautiful apple tree. It’s small enough for the children to reach and has bright red apples. It didn’t seem like anyone else was picking them, so I decided to step out of my comfort zone again. When the owner of the house was sitting on her front porch, I asked if the kids and I could pick apples some time. She said she was happy to let us pick as many as we wanted. So one morning, we came back and picked a whole bag full (and sampled a few ourselves).
There were enough apples to make three apple pies. Robin and I delivered one to their door, in time for Thanksgiving.
As we were picking apples, a teenager walked by, looking at us. I said nervously, “We got permission to do this!” He said, “Hey, I’m not judging. I’ve been looking at those apples all week.” How many of us have done this? How many people’s days could be brightened by reaching out to another person, in neighbourly friendship, and sharing what the earth has provided us.
A sink bubble bath is perfect for keeping 1 – 2 kids busy in the kitchen. They love using the tap to rinse bubbles off their hands, and playing with kitchen tools that they normally don’t get to play with. It usually gives me enough time to unload and reload the dishwasher, sweep the floor, and wipe the counters. If only one kid is playing in the kitchen sink, I can often do dishes in the other sink. Sometimes I use sink baths as a reward for helping with dishes.
Steps to a Sink Bubble Bath:
Wash out the sinks.
Fill sinks with suds (I often just use my natural dish soap, but sometimes their bubble bath).
Put a towel on the floor under the sinks.
Let the kids hop in.
Optional: Add funnels, silicon muffin cups, or any other non-breakable, non-sharp dishes and cloths that happen to be available.
The Filthiest Harry Potter Party You’ll Ever Attend.
I love Harry Potter. My honeymoon was at Universal Studios, just to see Harry Potter World. My top tourist priority in England was the Harry Potter Studio Tour.
When my friend asked for a Harry Potter Bachelorette Party, I was overjoyed to Jacquify it from a children’s book, into a naughty romance novel.
Signature drinks
Butterbeer
At Universal Studios, my husband and I bought two Butterbeers, and carefully sampled them to dissect how they were made. As far as we could determine, they had translated butterbeer into a combination of root beer and cream soda, with a whipped, butterscotch topping. I made this into an alcoholic drink for my party.
Recipe:
Butterscotch Liqueur
Vodka
Clear Cream-soda (I can find this most easily at gas stations in small bottles)
Root Beer
Spray-on whipped cream
The amounts you use, depend heavily on how strong you want your drink to be. Mine gets stronger as the night goes on!
Veritaserum
This one is easy. You just label the vodka “Veritaserum.”
For anyone who isn’t deeply familiar with Harry Potter: Veritaserum is the clear, tasteless potion that makes people tell the truth. And hey, Vodka checks off two out of the three!
Imperious Curse Dare Cards
Back of card:
Picture of Voldemort, Flinging a Curse.
Caption says: “You have been put under the Imperious Curse. You must do what this card says!”
Front of Card:
See the ‘Bachelorette Dare‘ page, coming out next week, for details of dares.
Food
Penis Cupcakes with the sign “Partially Transfigured Penis Cupcakes”
Every Flavour Beans. You can find these at many stores that sell candy.
There are lots of free printable labels online to make normal food, seem like Harry Potter food. See picture below.
I also made gold foil wrapped chocolate balls into golden snitches.
If you want to put in a lot of effort, there are recipes out there for pumpkin pasties. I made some after visiting Harry Potter World, because I was disappointed that they had featured pumpkin tarts, instead of pumpkin pasties.
I used the recipe from the Unofficial Harry Potter Cookbook by Dinah Bucholz.
Pins
Okay, here’s the part I get really excited about! This is where my penchant for making puns, really shines.
(See ‘Bachelorettes‘ page for more info on how and why to make pins.)
Unfortunately, I have lost all the pictures of us wearing the pins, even after searching old laptops.
Here is a list of the funny things, you could put on your pins:
Wanna join me under this invisibility cloak?
The Sorting Hat sent me to your place.
We’re one Weasley Twin short of a threesome.
Touch my Portkey (arrow downwards) and it’ll take your for a ride.
Do you wanna put your basilisk into my chamber of secrets?
Is that Nagini in your pants or are you just happy to see me?
Can I touch your Hairy Potter?
Is Hagrid that big everywhere?
Do you want to Slytherin-side me?
I swear I didn’t slip you love potion.
I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
If I give you the sorting hat, can you pull out your sword of Gryffindor?
Is your wand made of hard wood?
I’d love to play with your Quiddich balls.
Are you just chasing my golden snitch?
What’s the spell that lets you see through clothes?
Wanna see my lightning scar?
Decoration
This was my main decoration at my Harry Potter Party. I used fishing line to hang the letters from the ceiling to look like the movie. I also used some to hang pretend candles from the ceiling over the table.
For When You’re Cruising Down the Highway, Surrounded by Autumn Leaves.
I have been trying to put together a good fall playlist for years.
There are playlists out there, but they either have vastly different vibes to the songs, or they’re all from the 1960s and 70s. I wanted something that felt more from my generation, that I could listen to while driving around on an autumn day.
It has a bit of an alternative vibe, which I feel goes well with the mood of fall.
The songs transition from the beginning to the end of fall.
When I was a teenager, my parents used to say that when they looked at me, they still saw the baby and toddler I used to be. That made no sense to me. How could they see that? There I was, standing tall, plain as day: a teenager. Quite grown up.
As my life went on, though, I understood. My sister calls it 4D love. In that, you love someone as they are right now in our three-dimensional world, but also throughout time (the fourth dimension).
During the Pandemic, my 15-year-old niece was having a rough time, as many teenagers did. And, as with many teenagers, she didn’t really know how loved she is. I wrote this to help her understand my love for her.
4D Love Poem
I want to explain my 4D love for you.
I love you as a baby. You were the first baby I ever loved. Everything you did was magic. You were the most beautiful baby I had ever seen – it should have been your face on all the baby food jars. I took you on walks and showed you the world. You gummed on my fingers. I loved you.
I love you as a toddler. A demanding toddler who insisted specific people do specific things in a specific way. Usually, you wanted Grandma. But sometimes you chose me. I felt so special! I threw you into the air and spun you around. I loved you.
I love you as a little girl. I graduated and moved away and I missed being in your life. I used my time and love to make books to help you to know me better. Ten students in my Masters program helped colour pictures during class. I loved you.
I love you as a preteen. The preteen who loved my children the way I loved her as a baby; Who held them, and sweetly played with them, and pushed them on the swings; Who missed them like I missed her. I loved you.
I love you as a teenager. The teen who came to my house and bravely tried new things. The teen who hated to disappoint me when you didn’t like our food. The teen who got up early just to spend time with my toddlers. The teen who flew from the swing with her sister and comforted that sister when she scraped her knee. I love you.
And I will Iove you as a young adult. As you try and fail and choose to try again. Or choose not to try again and do something different. I will love you with anxiety and without. With school or without. I will love you when you’re bored and life appears dull and meaningless. I will love you when you’re too busy to think about me.
I will love you as a middle adult. And I will love your children or your very non-allergenic dogs.
And when I’m old and grey, and you bring your children visit me and your mother in a retirement home, and I have trouble remembering which one is which – I will love you then. Though I may not hear you very well.
This is my 4D love for you. You may not understand it now. But you will.
As a kid in the 90s, I watched my older sister go through her first break-up. We listened to a lot of Alanis Morrissette. That’s when I learned that a cathartic break-up playlist is essential for moving on.
As an adult, I created this playlist for friends going through break-ups. One divorced friend told me she listened to it for the next 8 years. I have updated it just slightly since 8 years ago. There are songs for each stage of getting over someone (see individual songs for specific categories).
Remember those origami fortune tellers from when we were kids?
(also called a cootie catcher,chatterbox, salt cellar, whirlybird, or paku-paku)
Remember how much kids love potty humour?
Well, I have combined the two. I’m not overly proud to admit how much potty humour is encouraged in our household. The only rule is, “Not in front of Grandma and Grandpa!”
One 8-year-old reviewer reported: “I didn’t know Aunt Jacqui was so funny!”
My kids loved these, so I made extras and mailed them to friends! It’s full of the things we used to chant as kids, plus a couple things my kids like chanting now.
The Fortune’s We Used:
In the land of Oz where the women wear no bras, but the men don’t care, ’cause they wear no underwear!
Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum! I smell Daddy’s Bum!
I see London. I see France. I see Mommy’s underpants!
Pick your nose. Pick your bum. Now you’ve got some bubble gum.
He who smelt it, dealt it.
Beans, beans, they’re good for your heart. The more you eat, the more you fart!
Look under there! (Under where?) I just made you say underwear!
Willabee, Wallabee Woo. An Elephant sat on poo! Willabee Wallabee Wee. An Elephant sat on pee!
I have made a printable PDF so that you can easily make it yourself:
This is one of my favourite gifts to give or receive.
Basic Recipe of Love in a Jar:
Write down things you love about the intended recipient of the gift.
I love having friends and family contribute to writing these. It’s pretty easy to do these days, via messenger or email.
Each person’s contribution goes on a different piece of paper.
Alternatively, each thing you love about the person can be on a different piece.
Fold up the pieces of paper and put them in a jar (or box).
Decorate the jar.
A few stickers and some ribbon is usually enough.
Give it to the intended person.
This way, whenever the person is feeling down, they can open up one of the pieces of paper, and read about how someone loves them.
You can also include favourite memories if you wish.
Another option – Love in a Stuffy:
When I was a kid, I sewed a small heart-shaped stuffy for my middle sister. I filled it with heart-shaped pieces of paper saying encouraging and loving things (and some cotton to make it soft), then sewed it up.
She never actually found out what it said inside, but she knew it was filled with love. For years, she carried it around in her pocket and felt it gave her strength during tough situations.
Yet another option – Love Notes:
Last year for Christmas, I suggested that a group of friends and I write letters to each other instead of Christmas gifts. The letters described things we love about each other. It was an incredible boost to have three letters to open, full of love from my friends.
It’s very interesting to hear how other people see you. It’s often very different from the way you see yourself.
Because today is the day, the Teddy Bears have their picnic.
Teddy bear picnics are a family favourite. We use a picnic blanket from the dollar store, and often, doll plates. Everyone grabs a teddy bear and we eat gluten free animal crackers, or gummy bears, or homemade teddy cookies. All while listening to “Teddy Bear Picnic” and “Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear Turn Around.” I have also sent this as a care package to friends and family.
Splash Pads, Skate Parks, Musical Gardens, and More…
This information will be most useful to the people living in or visiting Bruce County.
This summer, not much was open. I started taking the kids on “Playground Crawls” (like a bar crawl, but with playgrounds). Basically we would pick a town, then ask the local residents where the playgrounds were. We could usually get through three or four playgrounds in a morning, then try out a local bakery for lunch. There’s usually some playground information online, but not really all in one place. So here it is!
If there are awesome playgrounds in these towns that I am missing, let me know!
If anyone else decides to do this in their local area, send me the info, and I’ll post it too!
Big and really fun. Has big splash pad next to it. Near trails and a skate park.
Tiny Tots/MacPherson Playground 216 Lambton St
Close to the beach. Two levels. Pirate ship themed.
Rotary Park Playground 699 Huron Terrace
Beautiful sounding musical instrument playground. No matter how hard kids bang, it sounds like meditation music. Also has a small jungle gym and slide and a beautiful fountain and picnic tables.
McCullough Crescent Playground
Don’t have an exact address but you can’t miss it and it has interesting play equipment and a neat game that a computer takes you through that’s a lot like “bop it.”
Station Beach Playground
Station beach is right across the road from the musical playground at rotary park. If you drive into the parking lot and keep following the road deeper into the parking lot as far as you can go, you will reach a little playground that’s quite fun and is close to a walkway to the beach.
Helliwell Park
Off Russel Street, but you can park on Palmateer Dr. and go through a little walkway to get there. Very basic, but close to some very nice trails.
Princes Street and St. Albert St.
I was shocked to find out last week that there was one playground in Kincardine I had never been to. This playground is at the end of Princes Street if you turn onto it from St. Albert St. It is in a field close to the Baptist Church. It has a really cool ladder leading to the slide, a climbing wall, and swings. My kids also enjoyed playing in the sand.
Beautiful playground surrounded by trees. Many types of playground equipment. It’s hard to see when you first drive in because of the trees, but if you park by the baseball diamonds, you will see it.
Nodwell Park 788 Highland Street
Nice old-style metal playground with a little zip-line. Nice variety from some of the newer playgrounds.
North Shore Park
Basic playground but great-looking splash pad with giant flowers and cattails and leaves. Makes you feel like you are in Honey I Shrunk the Kids. And it is right by the beach.
Very interesting shape and has something for everyone. Also a splash pad. If you are looking for a little variety in playgrounds, this is the place. Big round swings, bells to ding, a rope bridge to a rope climber. And right next to the fire hall with windows to look at the old-style fire trucks.
Right when you come into town. It has lots of playground equipment, and is very spread out over a big field. You can close some of the gates to keep toddlers from wandering away. It has a mini splash pad. Great playground to start at.
Glen Philips Memorial Playground 179 South Street
This playground has a lot of novel equipment which makes it a nice change from other playgrounds.
Hunter Costello Memorial Playground 160 Eldon St.
This is such a wonderful playground. It was donated in honour of a beautiful little boy, Hunter Costello, and it truly brings joy to any child who plays there.
Playground 1 At the very end of Concession 2 as it turns into Huron Road.
This playground has three slides and some really tall swings that make swinging an extra thrill. It has a nice field for tag or flying a kite and a hedge at the back of the field that has a “secret passage” behind it right by the fence.
Playground 2 Attawandaron Road and Lake Range Drive
Has a swing that lets a baby sit across from a big sibling. A pretty basic jungle gym. Pretty surroundings and a tennis court.
Playground 3 Lighthouse Park – at the end of Lighthouse Road, right by the beach and lighthouse.
Cushy feel to the ground. It has a built-in playhouse. It’s right next to the beach.
Playground 4 Community Centre Playground
Just off Lake Range Drive between Lurgan Lane and St Arnaud St. It has a little playground, baseball diamond and picnic benches. All are fun to frolic around.
Playground 5 At Alfred St and Sunrise St.
Really neat playground with riding bugs, a jungle gym/slide, bars for gymnastics.
A big playground. Great place to stop on the way to Kaiser’s Fruit Farm (if you live near me). If you take main street toward the lake, you will find two other playgrounds on the right. The bigger one is right at the end of the road, as you get to the water.
Playground 1 By baseball diamonds. The intersection I saw said James St and Inkerman St.
This is an older playground which has nice variety and old-style teeter totters. It had a communication board poster that the kids enjoyed.
Mary Cummiungs Park/”Tot Lot Park” 429 Ross St.
You can’t see this one from the road. You have to turn into a grass driveway by a yellow brick house. I really liked this one.
Paisley Rotary Park
I was never able to find this one. The website says 293 James St, but that actually leads back to the first playground. Other sources lead to the local camp ground. There is a picture of a playground on the website, but I saw no sign of it. I bet we could ask the local residents.
Rotary Park Highway 9 just before the town starts on the way from Walkerton
This is a really neat playground. It has swing rocking horses that I’ve never seen anywhere else and descending parallel poles that children can hook their arms onto and use as a slide (again I have never seen this anywhere else). Big, round swings, and a nice play structure. It is next to a little pond with a water wheel and beautiful trails.
Park 2 This is off Absalom St E behind the medical building. If you pull into that parking lot, you can see it.
It’s like four or five parks in one, all spread out over a beautiful grassy field, surrounded by trees and a river. It has the best accessible swings I’ve seen.
Kinsmen Ball Park 327 17th Ave (I looked this up after, so I can’t confirm the address)
This one has a nice, old-style playground with metal slides and a neat balance beam, plus a newer play structure. It has tall swings that let you swing farther.
Hanover Raceway Playground This one is in the parking lot of the community centre, behind Hanover Raceway.
It says it’s for ages 5-12. My kids still enjoyed it a bit, but I think older kids are more appropriate based on the structure and the location (in the middle of a busy parking lot).
Sulfur Springs Conservation Area
I never got to try this playground, but I was told there is one there.
Brant Drive-In
I was also told there is a playground here. Still need to check it out.
Teeswater has an incredible playground with a merry-go-round, jungle gym, swings, and little rocking horses. It also has an outdoor pool with a shallow wading pool that I’m told is really nice in the summer.
jacquify.com 