The Candy Clouds

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When I was a child, my sister, Kathy, used to tell me stories about my personal adventures in the Candy Clouds – a land up in the sky, made of candy, that I could fly to on my candy rocket ship. When I became a young adult, I wrote and illustrated stories about the Candy Clouds for my niece. I always intended to write stories for my own children, but then Jake died before I could even start. Then I had an idea: What if the Candy Clouds were a place between Heaven and Earth, where siblings could still be together? And this wasn’t just a fantasy. Robin could listen to the stories on Earth and Jake could listen from Heaven. I could nurture both children at the same time and give them shared experiences. Studies have shown that even MRI machines cannot tell the difference between real and false memories. This made me hope that when they meet again in Heaven, they will still have shared experiences from the many adventures they listen to throughout Robin’s life. The Candy Clouds were real to my family already. Why couldn’t they be real for Robin and Jake? So I started writing and illustrating. My story is about a little girl, named Robin, who discovers candy at her twin brother’s grave and hears a message from him to meet her in the Candy Clouds. She perseveres through obstacles and grown-ups’ doubts to figure out how to magically power her bike, travel to the Candy Clouds, and finally play with her brother. As they say goodbye, Robin finds out that Jake was actually with her throughout the entire journey, helping Robin find the strength not to give up. When she lands back on Earth, she cannot see or hear him anymore, but she can somehow sense his presence in a way she hadn’t been aware of before.

But that wasn’t all we did to make the candy clouds come alive.

We Commissioned a Painting

This beautiful piece of art was done by Antje Martens who lives in Tiverton. She generously donated this as a gift to us.

The Children Actually Find Candy at Jake’s Grave

When Robin was a toddler, she was surprised to find a little jar at Jake’s grave. In this jar, she found lollipops and eventually other candy. When Casey and Zach came along and grew old enough for candy, suddenly three portions started appearing in the jar. It is so sweet to see the children run enthusiastically to Jake’s grave, see the joy on their faces as they discover their treats, and hear them yell, “Thank you, Jake!” on the way back. I think it really has helped develop their relationship with Jake. They feel his love in a real way. I have been suggesting to them that human hands may be helping Jake to leave these things. I point out that God works though people, so Jake probably does too. But the cool part is, it’s not just my hands helping Jake. Candy has been left there by several other loving people over the years. It makes me feel like Jake really is working through so many, and it does feel magical.

Jake’s Day

Jake’s day is our family’s word for Jake’s Death Anniversary. It’s a day of many emotions. Rich and I try to get our grieving done earlier in the day. Then we decorate the entire back and front yard to look like the real Candy Clouds. When the children come home, they romp around, living out the adventures in their stories, and imagining Jake being there with him. I can tell you that there is great anticipation of Jake’s day for months in advance. Robin often says to me, “Aren’t you excited for Jake’s Day?!!!” I say, “Well, it’s a day of many complicated emotions for me, but I’m so glad you’re looking forward to it.”

Lollipop Flowers

Licorice Vines

Gummy Bear Picnic

Soda Pop Pond

Peppermint Pine Tree

Okay, I know this is not a pine tree. Our pine tree got trimmed and we couldn’t reach the branches to hang the candy canes. The kids didn’t mind.

Bites of Candy Cloud

Candy Apple Tree

Jelly Bean Pebbles and Gummy Worms

The dirt is ground up Oreo Cookies.

Gingerbread House

Bubblegum Bush

Bike to the Candy Clouds

New This Year

This year the big surprise was a real, life-sized (age progressed) cut-out of Jake to meet them in their homemade Candy Clouds. I think they were the right age for this to help their imaginations instead of seeming weird and morbid.

All My Children Together

Just in case they hadn’t gotten enough candy from our yard, one year we also made a gingerbread house out of graham crackers. You can see little dolls representing all four children.

What it’s All For

We are all physical and spiritual beings. When we try to connect with something we cannot see, it helps us to use symbolism. All the religions do it. Children are wonderful at symbolism. They use it in pretend play all the time: “This stick is my sword!” All of these family traditions are my attempt to combine the symbolism that helps us connect to spirituality with the whimsical joy of childhood.

Humans are also made to learn from stories. Religions use this as well. And our children are learning, through stories, about their never ending connection to Jake. Their understanding of the Candy Clouds will change with time, just as all of us change our understanding of the stories we grew up with. But for now, the important part is that they love what Jake brings to their lives. They may not have explicit memories of Jake, but he is as much a part of their lives as any spirit can be.

I Don’t Mind if You Want to Use These Ideas

When the kids go to school in September, I’m going to really buckle down and see if I can get the Candy Clouds book published. We pilot tested it on a friend and now it’s her favourite book! I hope that the book will inspire other children to use their imagination to connect to their deceased loved-ones. If anyone else feels that using any of these ideas would be helpful please feel free to do so. And you are welcome to chat with me about it.

Note: Make sure to break up the skewers before throwing them out, or you will end up with a hole in the bag and garbage water all over the bottom of your garbage bin.