What You May Have Missed

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I planned this idea for a friend who is my age, but got married really early in life and missed out on some of the usual party years. I bet this would work for a 19th birthday as well. It could be called something like, “What You’re About to Discover.”

Music

Several weeks before we went out, I made playlists for my guest of honour from every year since she got married, until the present. Along with getting her pumped for a night out, it also ensured she would recognize and enjoy the songs at the bar. Click here for the playlist of the most recent songs.

Drinks

This was the most important feature of the party. We did a tasting of drinks, from sweet under-ager drinks to present day favourites. It was important that this be just a sampling, so she wouldn’t get hammered before the real fun began. Below are the introductions I gave for each drink.

“You’re 17 and at your first party without any parents. Someone hands you a Mike’s Hard Lemonade.”

“You’re finally 19 (or maybe some of your friends are) and looking for something delicious to drink. You try peach schnapps and orange juice. Yum! Savour it now, because you’ll never be able to look at it the same way, after getting sick from it, later tonight.”

“You’ve been watching commercials for Smirnoff Ice. It looks pretty cool. You feel pretty cool drinking it, as well, even though it kind of burns in your stomach, after a few of them. Don’t try to chug this one.”

“You’re living on your own and feeling pretty mature. You’re ready for a mature person’s drink… like wine! But this isn’t wine! It’s Strawberry Zinfandel – a wine cooler! It still feels pretty sophisticated, though. Especially if you float frozen strawberries in it and drink it from a wine glass.”

“You’re at a bar and not totally sure what to order, but you know one basic drink that always does the job: Rum and Coke!” This could also work for a “Vodka 7” (vodka and 7up)

“You’re an adult at a social gathering. You get offered a cooler. It’s probably a White Claw or a NUTRL. Don’t order the cherry flavour. It tastes like cough syrup as it warms up.”

“You’re a grown-up, looking to relax while you make dinner. Why not pour yourself a glass of Jacob’s Creek Moscato? It’s so good, your kids will beg you for sips.”

Loot Bags

My favourite kind of loot bag contains some things for party fun, and some things for recovering afterward.

• I’ve never found a girls-only party that wasn’t made slightly better by the presence of penis straws.
• Stickers are a great way to break the ice at the bar.
• The Pedialyte Freezie is easy to get down to rehydrate the next day – next best thing to an IV.
• I’ve eaten chips to cure so many hangovers, that I automatically crave chips whenever I have the stomach flu, even if they keep making me feel worse.
• The party smart pill helps prevent hangovers in the first place… or at least drastically lesson them. Don’t ask me how it works. I just know it does.

Bar Fun

Now it’s time to go to the bar and order some of those delicious drinks we sampled, party like there’s no tomorrow, dance like you’re too drunk to realize how many creepy guys are watching, and spend the next two days recovering… because I’m 36 and that’s just how things are now.