Zero-Time Fancy Salmon

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When I need to serve a fancy dinner to adult friends, but don’t have time to cook, this is what I make.

Zero Time Recipe: Pecan Encrusted Salmon with Asparagus

Set your oven to 425F. Take out a pan bigger than you meant to use because your daughter decided to try an experiment in which she filled your favourite pan with water, coloured the water with a marker, put candy into a Ziplock bag, put the bag into the water, and put the whole thing in the freezer. Chop off tough ends of asparagus and place on the pan.

As your son asks you “What’s that?” and you explain that you can’t see his tablet when he’s on the floor and you’re at the counter, add one tablespoon each balsamic vinegar and extra virgin olive oil. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Unless your pepper grinder is broken, and you keep forgetting to buy a new one. Then use just salt for months on end, but keep the pepper grinder beside it as a reminder of the life you used to have. Mix. Now put it in the oven as it heats up and move onto the salmon. It will take a few minutes longer for the asparagus to cook anyway.

• While you explain to your child that they are completely capable of colouring the other half of their cardboard box independently, place Salmon on a glass cooking pan.

• I recommend using parchment paper underneath, unless you plan to get this sort of help cleaning it later.

• Okay, back to business: Mix 1 tbsp maple syrup with 1 tbsp dijon mustard, while you tell that very helpful dog to stop trying to nose her way into the kitchen garbage.

• Now spread it on the salmon

Chop up 1/2 cup pecans. Or better yet, buy them already chopped.

• Press them onto the salmon. Now you can re-enact that same scene from your kid’s favourite movie that you’ve been re-enacting every few minutes for the last three days.

• Put the salmon in the oven once it is heated up. Bake for around 22 minutes or around 10 minutes for every inch thick your salmon is. It should look like this when it is done:

Your asparagus should be done at around this time as well. It has some leeway. Slightly crisp or slightly soft, it’s still delicious.

Now serve this all to yourself and your guests while you serve the kids something completely different. But wait! Listen to the silence? They’re not complaining about the smell of fish! Seriously. Mine actually didn’t. It ends up being very mild-smelling.

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