Zero-Time Meal: Chili

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I have one kid who will eat some chili, but mostly I make this for myself and my husband and put it in jars, in the freezer, so we can take out single portions, when needed. This lets me make smoothies or sandwiches for the kids, when I’m particularly tired. If my husband needs to take food to work or wants a proper dinner when he arrives home, he’s welcome to take chili out of the freezer.

Zero-Time Chili

Do this first step around breakfast time. While your child yells from the basement, “Moooom! Come play with me!” and you yell back, “I can’t right now, I’m trying to make food!” But he doesn’t hear because he’s in the basement and the yelling continues, put two pounds of ground beef (fresh or frozen) in the slow cooker and set it to high (if you plan to do the next step at lunch), or low (if you plan to come back after work). Either way you can set it for 8 hours.

At lunch time (or when you get home from work), take the meat out of the slow cooker and place it on a plate. Drain the fat and juices. Put the meat back in and break it up with a spoon. Now go help your child get her tablet because it’s plugged in behind your bed and it’s dark back there. You can let it keep cooking for a while or do the next step now. This is not time-sensitive.

Open cans and jars:

• 2 cans red kidney beans (19oz/540ml)
• 1 can beans in tomato sauce (14oz 398 ml)
• 1 can diced tomatoes (28oz/796ml)
• 1 can tomato sauce (680ml)
• 1 jar salsa (410ml)
• 1 cup beef broth

Please don’t get too caught up with exact amounts in the cans/jars. It’s a chili. It will turn out okay if you have vaguely the same ingredients. Interruptions here shouldn’t matter too much, unless you have fruit flies like we do, and then you better get those ingredients in the cooker quickly, before the fruit flies eat their fill and start breeding again.

While you tell your child, “I’m your mother, not your playmate. This is why you have siblings. Go play with them.” Rinse off red kidney beans and put those and all the contents of the cans and jars into the slow cooker (and the one cup of beef broth).

Now take a break to hug your son, because, listening to the above sentence, he somehow heard you say, “I’m not your mother.” Reassure him that you will always be his mother, love him, and take care of him. You just can’t always play. Add two cups of frozen corn.

While you watch a Netflix show on your phone (the closest thing you get to rest when the kids are home), add two tablespoons each of chili powder, cumin, and oregano (the grocery store chili powder is nice and mild for those sensitive to too much heat). Then mix and continue cooking on high until it heats up, or you’re too hungry to wait any longer.

Before serving add 2 tablespoons hickory-flavoured barbecue sauce and the juice of one lime. But, while you do it, make sure to also answer multiple questions about what colour would result from mixing various other colours. It’s surprisingly difficult to do when your mind is also occupied by cooking or driving, with a little exhaustion thrown in. Good thing the answer is usually, “I guess some weird brown colour?”

I served this to guests and they all loved it! Easy as cans! It’s great served with tortilla chips.