Zero-Time Meal: Whole Chicken and Veges

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I grew up with oven roasted chickens. What a comfort food! But, they require knowing the weight of your chicken so you can calculate the cooking time, checking on it, spooning juice overtop, covering it with tinfoil if it’s getting too brown, and chopping vegetables to go with it. This way of cooking a whole chicken fits better with a zero-time lifestyle.

Zero-Time Recipe: Whole Chicken with Veges

While your child yells, “Mom! Come see what I made!” And you yell, “Just bring it to me!” And your child yells, “I can’t bring it! It’s set up in my room! Just come see, it’s really good!” Rinse off some carrots and celery, cut the ends off, and throw them in your slow cooker. You can add chopped potatoes if you somehow have the time.

While your oldest kid yells that your youngest child went out front without asking, place the chicken on top of the vegetables. Feel free to sprinkle the top of the chicken with salt or poultry seasoning or whatever you have time for. But you actually don’t have time because it turns out your child was naked when she went out the front door. Now run and grab her.

Now, hope to God that when you ran outside, the dog didn’t get your chicken, like she got your whole family’s pulled pork yesterday. Cover the slow cooker with a lid and set it to 3-4 hours on high or 5-6 hours on low. Now go break up the fight in the playroom and explain to your child that you can’t “accidentally” pinch someone.

The timer beeped. Your food is done! You can eat it if you want. But, if you have time, and you don’t mind telling your child that their only snack option right now is vegetables, you can transfer your chicken onto an oven-safe pan and broil it for five minutes to nicely brown the top.

Pull the chicken out of the oven while one child starts crying because she hurt her finger and insists on being carried, the other one cries because his helicopter is lost and you’re not finding it right now, and the third child tells you her ear is aching again and you consider which kind of medical help she needs and how urgently it must be done. Save some of the juice from the bottom of the slow cooker to pour over your meat.

Ahhh. Now relax and enjoy! There’s nothing quite like a homecooked… “Zach! I said I would find your helicopter after dinner! Just come to the table!”

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